The book you wish your parents had read )and your children will be glad that you did), Philippa Perry

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did) is one of the best books I’ve ever read about parenthood. 

I love reading books about parenthood. They make me calmer, more flexible, more mindful while raising my kids and more confident as a mother. They help me understand myself better, accept my feelings, and realize my character and the things that have defined me since childhood and through the years. As a result, they help me understand kids better and have more compassion and empathy. They help me try new methods, manage kids’ behaviour better and make me feel I’m getting more experience from everyday life with kids when I read such books. 

So the benefits of reading books like this one are multiple for me. I generally love reading books. Since my eldest son was almost two years old, I have been trying to read at least two books on parenthood every year. 

In this section of the site (Parents of 3), I present some books I have singled out. 

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did) is one of them. 

The writer Philippa Perry, who is a British psychotherapist and author, has approached parenthood in simple words. She doesn’t use “must” and “have to”. She doesn’t judge the parents. She doesn’t make them feel guilty. Instead of this, she is compassionate towards them. The book is full of examples of everyday life with children, which are so common that it’s almost certain that you have faced them. Each instance gives you the motive to think about or examine an uncomfortable situation with your kid in a way you may have never considered before and suggests tips and methods we can try the next time we will have to manage a similar case. These examples push you to wonder or look for reasons that have led your kid to inappropriate behaviour. 

Philippa Perry
Philippa Perry

When you understand kids better and become familiar with recognizing and accepting feelings, both your and your kids’ feelings, even the bad ones, it gets easier to keep calmer even when everyone else around you is intense. It also makes it easier for you to have more empathy and manage demanding behaviours, avoiding repeated patterns of arguments and conflicts. This type of parenthood creates a stronger relationship with kids and strengthens family ties.

Considering all of the above, it’s easy to understand that reading books like The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and your children will be glad that you did) can benefit parents so much and make their daily life much more mindful and enjoyable. Of course, reading can not eliminate the bad moments, but it may offer parents a valuable ally to face adversity. 

Reading the specific book twice helped me understand some of the parameters that have benefited me during my childhood, such as program and consistency, limits and trust, and responsibilities and initiatives, and others that hadn’t been so helpful, such as the limited discussion and acceptance of feelings, especially of negative ones as well as the label “good kid – good student”. 

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)
  • I have kept notes that I often read. 
  • Ι have made the suggested exercises. To find the answers, I made a deep dive into thoughts and questions (to myself) I had never done before. 
  • I have thought of things I wouldn’t like for my kids. I don’t mean bad things and situations. I mean simple things and characteristics, like the inner voice that judges strictly and puts obstacles in our lives. 
  • I have wondered how my choices in specific sectors of life affect my kids and their future wills: should I be more assertive? Should I say “no” more often? Should I dare more? Should I pamper myself more? Kids learn from what we do, not from what we say. Their father and I are their examples. We should think more about what they understand from our attitude to life. 
  • I have recalled uncomfortable situations with kids. I understood why they had happened and what had triggered their reaction. Reading the book’s instances, I have found tips I could have adopted. 
  • I have adopted ways to avoid conflicts. However, disputes happen. Everyday. 
  • I have realized that the most important thing is to accept and validate their feelings. And it’s even more important to restore the relationship after the rupture. 
  • I have been reminded that the things that make us happy are different for adults and kids. So I have to listen to them more. I shouldn’t believe I know what they want or prefer on each occasion. 
  • I have tried to be better at communication. Sometimes we discuss with others, considering in advance that their opinions are so different to us that they can not affect us. However, sometimes when we are open to new aspects in many subjects and authentic dialogue, it’s more possible to develop ourselves. Consequently, I have tried to enhance the real talk with kids, as equal to equal and not as experienced adults to little kids.
  • I have tried to urge them to do more things alone,  take the initiative and deploy their skills and personality. 
  • I have tried to recall often that kids need our love and connection. Sometimes their need is so strong that they prefer negative attention to no attention. I should be more patient and flexible while handling such reactions. 
  • I have learnt what skills can help children manage their feelings and control their behaviour: tolerance to changing plans, flexibility, problem-solving, and empathy
  • I have read intriguing aspects of children’s thoughts. 

As you can imagine, I haven’t solved all the problems in our family. We have disagreements, disputes, tension etc. One book is not enough to change you. One book can motivate you to think. We are not perfect humans. Tiredness, responsibilities and circumstances around us can upset us and make us nervous with little patience. Our demanding routine is so hard. 

Nevertheless, every time I read a good parenting book, it’s like discovering a thousand reasons and opportunities to improve myself as a person and as a mother. Every time I read a good parenting book I find new reasons to make parenthood more interesting (#make_it_interesting) and ways to #make_it_easy or at least easier.

Negative part

It wouldn’t be right to close this post without making an essential point. This book is written for parents with one kid. There aren’t instances or at least enough staff about families with more than one kid. There are no tips to manage siblings’ conflicts. However, it’s an excellent book that definitely can help parents! 

Please, tell me your opinion

If you have read the book, please let me know your opinion. It would also be my pleasure to read your comments on parenting books you have read and liked. 

Vassiliki

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